


light's off, light's on (you were the right one)

by jennycaakes



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Coming Out, Drinking, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, M/M, Party, Post-Canon, Senior year, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:40:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24052264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jennycaakes/pseuds/jennycaakes
Summary: “This,” Nursey said, gesturing around them vaguely, “is the year that you fall in love with me.”He expected Dex’s face to crack with a smile, or another roll of his eyes so sharp it could easily be written off, but neither of those things happened. Dex maintained his easy gaze, staring into Nursey’s eyes like he was looking for something.“Won’t take much,” he murmured.//a senior year nurseydex fic
Relationships: Derek "Nursey" Nurse/William "Dex" Poindexter
Comments: 77
Kudos: 542





	light's off, light's on (you were the right one)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ofhobbitsandwomen (litvirg)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/litvirg/gifts).



> happy birthday steph this one's for you !!!! it's a self indulgent mess and i hope you love it!!! i am so grateful for you and your friendship and the ability to yell about check please nonstop <3
> 
> god why do i love these boys so fucking much i am losing my mind y'all 
> 
> ps- very minimal homophobia mentioned! also lots of weed happy taurus season xoxo

Nursey should’ve stopped drinking wine when Chowder told him to stop drinking wine an hour ago, but of course he didn’t. It was an engagement party! Shitty and Lardo’s engagement party! Engagement parties were meant for drinks, especially one hosted by the two of them. It was an open bar and Nursey wasn’t the DD back to campus so he drank, knowing full well and still uncaring that the night had lowered his romantic defenses entirely.

He wanted to be in love. 

Scratch that—he already was in love. Rather, he wanted to be in love with someone who loved him back and more specially: he wanted that person to be Dex. 

How was he not supposed to think about love when he had to spend the whole night watching Shitty and Lardo gaze at each other? It was ridiculous. He loved their love but for fuck’s sake, it was a lot. 

Nursey had spent his night rotating through knocking back wine and catching up with the friends he didn’t get to see all that often and gazing at Dex wishing he didn’t feel like such an idiot. They’d been told ahead of time that there wouldn’t be any hard liquor but that was fine—wine drunk was one of Nursey’s favorite ways to be. He felt warm and stretchy like fresh taffy, constantly wanting to wind himself around his friends and bury his face in the crook of their necks. 

The whole thing was weirdly extravagant, definitely not the usual standard of Shitty and Lardo parties, but Nursey knew that was because it was set up entirely by Shitty’s parents. The invitations had come on expensive parchment paper with all of their formal names written in calligraphy and everyone had to be checked in at the door against the guest list. Everyone had been warned ahead of time but entering the place to find Shitty and Lardo dressed to the nines with tight, painted smiles on their faces was still jarring.

Most of the other attendees were strangers. Lots of law school people that Shitty knew and a handful of Lardo’s art friends but it seemed like it was more family than anything else. SMH and their alums followed the rules they’d been given and celebrated amongst themselves. They’d all been sequestered to the same table and had made up their own game where they would take a drink every time something happened that Lardo and Shitty couldn’t react to in the way that they wanted. 

Nursey had just finished off another glass and stood to refill it when Dex stood too, following him toward the open bar and then redirecting him out the door, to the hallway.

“Where’re we going?” Nursey asked with a grin.

“Somewhere that doesn’t have any alcohol so you can sit for a second,” Dex told him. He led Nursey down the hallway, farther from the ballroom that had been rented for the party and all of their friends. He walked until they found a sitting area that was empty and Dex nearly pushed Nursey into one of the open armchairs. “You don’t need more.”

“You and Chowder are so _boring_.”

“Nursey Patrol exists for a reason.”

“For hard liquor! This is wine!”

Dex rolled his eyes but he didn’t actually seem annoyed, which was good. There’d been a lot of that between them lately. Nursey would be annoying. Dex would put on a whole show of being annoyed without actually feeling the frustration that went with it, and on and on they went. It was nothing like the way they used to be when Nursey would _actually_ annoy Dex.

But he supposed his friends were right. He’d had a lot of wine over the past few hours, enough so that his romantic thoughts wouldn’t quiet like they normally would if he demanded his brain chill out. Instead he wanted to live in them, read into every look that he knew didn’t mean a thing.

After all, Dex had dragged him out to the hallway alone. That could mean something, right?

Dex blinked. His voice was monotone as he asked, “Why’re you looking at me like that.”

Nursey’s smile only grew. “Like what?” he asked.

Dex blinked again and looked away, shaking his head just a little bit. He kept his gaze down the hallway back toward where all of their friends had stayed in the ballroom but Nursey kept looking at him, thinking.

Dex had spent a lot of time with him tonight. He helped Nursey pick out a tie ( _the green one looks better_ , he’d said) and conceded his song choices during the drive out to Nursey even though he was the driver so he should’ve had full AUX control and when Shitty’s mom made a toast about how happy she was to welcome Lardo ( _Larissa_ ) to the family, Nursey had caught Dex staring at him. 

Now here they were, out in the hallway alone, none of their friends around as buffers. 

“I’ve figured something out,” Nursey said. Dex turned back to look at him with an eyebrow arched. “This is the most clarity I’ve ever had in my life.”

“That’d be the wine.”

“Nope.” Nursey stood, sure, both of his hands firm on the armrests of the seat so he could force his body into an upright position. “I’m enlightened,” he declared. 

Dex rolled his eyes, fondly this time, and indulged him like Nursey knew he would. “Tell me.”

Nursey closed the space between them with slow, intentional steps and the smile on Dex’s face grew tight as he realized Nursey was serious. 

“This,” Nursey said, gesturing around them vaguely, “is the year that you fall in love with me.” 

He expected Dex’s face to crack with a smile, or another roll of his eyes so sharp it could easily be written off, but neither of those things happened. Dex maintained his easy gaze, staring into Nursey’s eyes like he was looking for something.

“Won’t take much,” he murmured. “So.”

Nursey was frozen as he looked into Dex’s eyes. “What?” 

Dex cracked a smile that was much too soft to be intentional. “Come on Derek,” he said gently. “Let’s get back before they miss us.” 

Nursey didn’t want to get back. He wanted to live in this hallway with Dex looking at him like he could actually be falling in love with him—like it was actually a possibility. He wanted to slide his hands around Dex’s waist and pull him close until their noses brushed and he could capture his lips with his own. 

“No one’s gonna miss us,” he tried.

Dex’s fond smile only grew. He tugged Nursey’s hand forward and guided him out of the hallway they’d sequestered themselves in for a moment of air, back to the party despite Nursey’s small protest.

Nursey’s head was spinning. He was drunk enough that he felt unsure and malleable but at least Dex was still smiling at him. It wasn’t until they got closer to their table did Dex let go of Nursey’s hand, and it was just to direct Nursey back into his seat. Before Dex settled down he swung back by the open bar and grabbed two waters for them to drink. Chowder and Farmer had moved across the room and were chatting with Jack and Bitty and Lardo’s mom but Holster and Ransom were still at the table. 

“I can’t believe they haven’t even played _one_ LMFAO song,” Holster grumbled. 

Nursey had to agree. Shitty hadn’t been joking when he told them all ahead of time that it wasn’t going to be up to his usual standard. 

“We wouldn’t have even had one,” Lardo told Nursey when Shitty had FaceTimed him after getting his invitation. She’d poked her head on screen and Shitty had made room for her like he’d been waiting for her to join his side anyway. “But _apparently_ it’s a family tradition.”

Shitty frowned. “Gotta give ‘em something, Lards. It was either engagement party or a fuckin’ week long family trip to some house we’ve got in Connecticut and there’s no goddamn way we would’ve survived _that_.”

Now at the party, they both seemed happy. It was a different version of the two of them that Nursey had gotten used to seeing, but it was still them. They wore smiles that shone a little brighter whenever they looked at one another and got a little louder than the rest of the partygoers every once in a while and were steadfastly consuming a large amount of alcohol. 

It wasn’t until the night had nearly ended did Lardo text the group with a suite number for the hotel across the street and all of SMH ducked out of the ballroom and said their goodbyes as subtly as they could. Farmer had consumed probably the same amount of wine that Nursey had so the two of them locked arms as they crossed the street together, Dex and Chowder walking side by side a few feet behind them to make sure they didn’t get into too much trouble. Jack and Bitty were leading the way with Rans and Holtz forming the end.

Nursey dropped his voice to what he was hoping a whisper as he slurred, “Do you think Dex could fall in love with me?”

Farmer stood up a little taller, her eyes widening as she responded, “Isn’t he already?”

Drunk, Nursey burst into laughter that Farmer echoed which sent Dex and Chowder swooping forward quickly to their respective sides. Dex’s hand settled on the small of Nursey’s back as he led him onward and Farmer’s responding face was incredibly goofy. 

The suite that they arrived at was much more in style for a party that could actually carry Shitty and Lardo’s names. It was just the few of them but there was a speaker that Holster could plug into and right after they arrived he was already blasting Party Rock. 

Twenty minutes after they arrived Shitty and Lardo finally showed up, Shitty nearly undressed by the time he entered the room. “Thank _fuck_ that’s over!” he hooted with a grin. “And thank fuck you still wanna marry me!” he shouted at Lardo who was shaking her head with a smile. 

“If you think I wouldn’t be able to gracefully bullshit my way through a room full of white stiffs then you proposed to the wrong woman.”

Shitty grinned. “That I did not.” 

* * *

_Won’t take much_. 

The night passed without incident (and a lot more alcohol) and Nursey woke up alone in his bed at Samwell with only a vague memory of being deposited there but a very solid memory of him and Dex away from the ballroom together. 

Other memories from the party were more distant, hidden behind a wall of liquor that Nursey wasn’t sure he’d be able to access again. Once they got to the suite all decency was out the window and Nursey couldn’t be sure how many shots he’d taken. He remembered losing strip beer pong to Lardo (obviously) at least twice before Ransom joined him and they lost some more, and he remembered Shitty and Lardo disgustingly making out on the couch to celebrate the night, and he remembered Dex herding him and Chowder and Farmer to the car like he was a sheepdog and they were his sheep, but most of it was gone. 

He reached for his phone to find a text that told him there’d be breakfast in the kitchen for him. After some attempt at a shower Nursey finally stumbled down to fuel himself. Dex was at the table working on his laptop and drinking coffee. He smiled in greeting, definitely not hungover due to his role as the designated driver, looking stupidly attractive with his purple flannel rolled up to his sleeves. 

He sat back as Nursey entered the kitchen. “I was just gonna come check on you. How’re you feeling?”

Nursey groaned as he dragged himself over to the coffee pot. “Like I got hit by a truck,” he rasped. 

His stomach kept rolling but he needed coffee more than anything. After mixing the drink he settled in the seat across from Dex, watching as the other man closed his laptop halfway so he could focus his attention on Nursey too. 

Nursey should say something. 

“We could go to Jerry’s for lunch,” Dex offered. “If you’re feeling better.”

Nursey held his mug between his hands tightly, trying not to react. “Sure.” Like a date? Did Dex want to talk about the night before?

“Chowder and Farms will meet us there,” Dex added, lifting his screen again to return to work.

So not like a date. Nursey nodded, accepting the terms, and drank his coffee in silence.

* * *

They didn’t talk about it. 

After a week had passed, then a month, Nursey felt like he kind of lost the right to bring it up. And Dex never did, so maybe he’d made it all up in his head anyway?

(No, Nursey knew he hadn’t. In his mind that night came back to him in waves, in moments, but out in the hallway with Dex had been sharp and clear from the beginning.) 

Still, he held the memory close to him. It wasn’t like he went out of his way to be extra charming to Dex but he also did kind of go out of his way to be extra charming. He’d help Dex out in the kitchen if he could and they’d walk to class together sometimes and Faber together _often_ and whether or not romantic things were happening, they were definitely growing closer. 

One Saturday morning a couple of weeks later the kitchen was buzzing with activity. Dex was washing dishes in the sink while Tango and Ford were elbowing each other out of the way to get to the fridge and Chowder and Whiskey were laughing at something completely unrelated and it felt nice. It felt like home. Nursey was leaning against the counter by Dex and drying the dishes passed to him to keep Dex company as Nursey took it all in.

He was happy. Things weren’t exactly how he wanted them to be but he had his people and he felt good.

“Hold on,” Dex said suddenly, passing a sudsy dish to Nursey. He shifted away from the sink so Nursey could take his place as Dex dug into his pocket to check his phone. It was ringing and once he saw the name he frowned. “Could you…?” he trailed off, looking up to Nursey as he gestured to his phone.

“Yeah of course.” 

He stepped over to the sink while Dex headed for the living room to answer the call. Nursey kept glancing over his shoulder as he finished up the dishes, setting them to dry on the rack instead of hand-drying them all like they had been. 

“ _No_ , mom,” Dex suddenly hissed into the phone, loud enough that everyone in the kitchen paused. Almost immediately after Dex hurried back through the kitchen without making eye contact with anyone before rushing through the basement door.

He let it slam shut behind him.

Nursey frowned. He considered following after but Chowder made some sort of noise that drew Nursey’s attention instead. His face said _leave it_ which only deepened Nursey’s frown. Did Chowder know something that he didn’t? 

“What?” Nursey pushed quietly, but Chowder shrugged.

“Just leave it alone. He left for a reason.” 

Nursey knew Chowder was right but was still weirdly annoyed. He slowly continued with the dishes and sent Dex a text instead. 

**Nursey  
**u good?

Fifteen minutes later Dex returned from the basement looking annoyed. The kitchen had emptied by then, Chowder off to grab brunch with Farmer and some of their couple friends and Whiskey went out without a word, but it didn’t matter. Nursey had stayed. 

“You okay?” he verbalized his text.

“Do you have pot?” 

“Always.”

Dex sprawled out in Nursey’s bed while Nursey rolled the joint at his desk. After a courtesy knock they let themselves through Whiskey’s empty room out to the roof to smoke. 

It was late morning Saturday and Nursey didn’t have anything else to do, and he didn’t mind. He didn’t want to push Dex but he did want to know what his mom had said that got him so riled, so he figured he wouldn’t be able to get an answer without upsetting Dex more. 

Instead he offered a standard, “Parents, huh?” 

To which Dex frowned, reaching for the joint as he changed the subject completely. 

Nursey could spend all morning out there smoking weed with Dex. As they passed the joint the tension in his shoulders faded and Dex’s smile grew to something otherworldly. 

They joked about the matching outfit Chowder and Farmer had worn to Couple’s Brunch and wondered if anyone else had done the same before they started making up outfits of couples they knew would be there. Dex was already laughing so hard at the idea of their friend Rio in a flannel vest that when Nursey told him they’d started calling his girlfriend Pudding, Dex could hardly breathe. 

The two of them traded the water bottle that Dex brought out as the morning stretched into the afternoon before they finally ran out of words. Even silence with Dex was where Nursey wanted to spend it. 

“What should we do with the rest of our day?” Nursey eventually asked. 

Dex hummed; the sound of it sweet like honey. “Let’s watch Return of the King.” Nursey looked to him, finding Dex’s eyes glossy from the pot they’d just shared and a stupidly soft smile on his face. 

Lord of the Rings had been one of the first few things that Dex and Nursey had been able to relate on. Dex loved them growing up and Nursey could spin poetry about whichever character he was aching for the most in the blink of an eye. So whenever Chowder felt like things were fraying between them he’d shove Nursey and Dex into the same room and force all three of them to movie marathon. 

“My room or yours?”

Like always they went down to Dex’s bungalow, valuing the privacy and the quiet over the ease of just crossing the hall to Nursey’s. Neither of them mentioned inviting Chowder (who’d certainly finished brunch by now) because even though he was the one who facilitated the movie nights, LoTR had never been his favorite, and that was fine. 

They had each other. 

Nursey snagged snacks from the kitchen while Dex set up his computer. 

Dex fell asleep against Nursey’s shoulder half an hour into the movie, about five minutes after Nursey slid his hand into Dex’s and started rubbing his thumb slowly over Dex’s to be more specific, but Nursey couldn’t sleep. He’d seen the movie hundreds of times but it kept him awake, hanging on every word just like when he was young. There was something better about watching it in bed with Dex beside him, even with the other man asleep, their hands still laced atop the blanket that they’d grabbed. The steady rise and fall of his chest as he slept by Nursey’s side was comforting. 

Nursey would alternate between watching the movie and watching Dex, savoring every moment he had to study him this close without repercussion. He was so _beautiful_ and Nursey was never allowed to look. He wanted to reach up and drag his hand over Dex’s cheekbones, trace the tip of his finger down his long nose before poking every freckle, tallying them up. 

Eventually the movie drew him back in. It wasn’t until he felt Dex’s hand twitch in his own did he realize Dex was awake again, intensely watching the movie. Nursey couldn’t be sure when Dex had awoken but his brow was furrowed at the scene in front of them. 

_Don’t go where I can’t follow_.

Dex sighed and Nursey squeezed his hand. 

* * *

The next few weeks were more of the same. Winning games, smoking weed, flirting with Dex without actually having spoken about what it could mean to fall in love. Totally fine and normal senior year. 

Until the party at the volleyball house. 

They were supposed to pregame with some guys from the swim team who cancelled at the last minute so Nursey Chowder and Dex made their way straight to the volleyball house instead, chatting about what they thought the night would be like. Volleyball parties weren’t like SMH parties but they were fun enough, especially since all the responsibilities of hosting were removed. (Not that Nursey really held a lot of that responsibility, but Dex did, and he’d be more fun this way.)

The party started normally enough with the Frogs doing shots together per Party Tradition but Chowder slipped away with Farmer immediately after and Dex got pulled aside by one of his tech friends which left Nursey to aimlessly wander. He got a drink and danced a little bit before he needed another drink, wondering where Dex had gotten off to when Nursey rounded the corner and—there, in the corner, and _no_ , he wasn’t pressed against—

Dex _was_ pressed against a pretty blonde in the back corner of the party. Her hands were looped around his sides and he was leaning on the wall above her and they were kissing, lips definitely doing things Nursey didn’t want to be seeing, and—

Nursey needed to get out of the volleyball house. Now.

Some sort of overdrive kicked in because Nursey effortlessly maneuvered himself from the party without running into anyone he knew, weaving his way past guests and around stumbling drunks until he was outside. He’d barely made it off the porch and over to an empty spot on the lawn when he felt a hand on his shoulder and turned hopefully—foolishly—thinking it could be Dex, only to find Chowder looking worried. 

“Are you okay?” he demanded. 

“No!” Nursey burst. “I’m not fucking _okay_!” Chowder held up his hands to de-escalate and knowing that’s what he was doing only made Nursey feel a little more broken. “I need a cigarette,” he rasped, turning away from Chowder’s gentle hand that was reaching for him. 

“One sec.” Chowder disappeared and reappeared within the minute with a cigarette and a lighter, offering them to Nursey immediately. “Here.”

“Sorry,” Nursey croaked. Chowder waved him off and Nursey broke another time to say, “I just saw Dex with someone else, and—” he couldn’t even finish. The look on Chowder’s face had shifted to something sad. “Like, fuck,” he ranted as he struggled to get his cigarette lit against the wind. “I thought everything we’d been doing—I’m a fucking idiot. I’m so fucking stupid.”

“Breathe, Nursey,” Chowder said gently.

He didn’t, not until he’d had his first puff. He couldn’t believe he’d let himself think he had a shot with Dex. An actual shot. Something past this weird flirty friendship where they trust each other in ways they’re not supposed to but don’t talk about it. 

“Fuck,” Nursey muttered again. 

He and Chowder had never _really_ talked about his feelings for Dex. Chowder had given Nursey plenty of looks and made a handful of comments where Nursey _knew_ that Chowder was sure of Nursey’s feelings, but this was the first time he’d actually voiced something about it. 

The closest they’d gotten to it was back when Dex had gotten into that fight with his mom on the phone and hurried off to the basement. _Just leave it alone_ , Chowder had warned. The next day Nursey asked Chowder if he knew something that Nursey didn’t. _I just want you being careful_ , he said. _I don’t want you getting hurt_.

“Have you… talked to him?” Chowder asked.

Nursey passed the lighter back to Chowder. “About what?” 

Chowder pocketed it with a shrug. “How you feel?” 

“Dude.”

“You’ll have to do it eventually!” 

Nursey took another drag and sighed. He knew that Chowder was right. Honestly he should’ve talked to Dex the morning after Shitty and Lardo’s party but he’d been too chickenshit and now he was making out with some random girl at the volleyball house because Nursey had been too afraid. 

“Mess,” Nursey muttered. 

Chowder lifted his hand again, actually resting it on Nursey’s shoulder this time for a quick squeeze. “You don’t have to stay,” he said gently. “I can walk back with you if—”

“No, no,” Nursey stopped him. He wasn’t going to ruin all of his friends’ nights because he felt a little nauseous and a lot heartbroken. “It’s fine—I’ll just… take a shot, or something.” Chowder looked sad. “Might call it an early night after that.”

“Yeah man, that’s okay.” Nursey tipped his head to the side as if to ask for space and Chowder nodded, of course knowing what he meant. “Text me if you need me?”

He left soon after to go find Farmer again and Nursey smoked his cigarette in silence. He didn’t know if he wanted to be more drunk or stoned or if he’d rather just go home and curl up in bed and there was still part of him that felt like he was going to puke but in the end he decided to stay. 

Twenty minutes and several arguments with himself later, Nursey decided to head back into the volleyball house. A drink would be good. They had some punch and while nothing would ever top Tub Juice it was certainly a strength that the volleyball team had. One cup of that and he’d be fine, only thinking about loving Dex in the romantic, dreamy way instead of the cold aching way he was now. 

He’d only just made it back to the kitchen when he was stopped. 

“Hey,” Dex exhaled upon seeing him. There was so much relief in everything—his face, his stance, his voice—Nursey couldn’t let his earlier jealousy take hold for even a second. He felt himself flood with relief too, though he couldn’t be sure why. Something about just seeing Dex could ground Nursey again. “There you are.” 

“Been looking?” Nursey teased. Dex didn’t react the way Nursey had hoped, no easy smile or small laugh. Instead he stayed shuttered and somewhat distant like Nursey had been feeling. “Dex,” Nursey said gently. “What’s wrong?”

“I need some air.”

Nursey nodded. He and Dex made their way from the house and out into the cool night. Though it wasn’t all that later than the first night Nursey had marched out, upset, it was much more crowded. Thankfully the volleyball house was close to the lake and Dex didn’t seem to mind as Nursey led them farther from the party. 

The lake was quiet that night and Nursey was grateful for it. Weekends at Samwell could either bring drunkards or silence, and the latter was what they needed for now. 

After settling down Dex dropped his forehead against Nursey’s shoulder with a sigh so deep it created valleys no one would ever get to see. 

“Do you ever feel so fucking stupid?” Dex murmured halfheartedly.

Nursey laughed. 

Dex reared back at once, eyes wide and hurt, and Nursey reached for him at once. “No, yes, sorry,” he tried to rush. “All the time, dude, who the hell do you think you’re talking to?” Dex eased a little but didn’t nestle himself back against Nursey like he’d hoped he would. “What happened?” Nursey asked carefully, knowing full well he likely would not get an answer.

But Dex sighed again and closed his eyes, shaking his head just a little bit. “I came out to my mom,” he said.

Nursey’s heart somersaulted in his chest. He sat up and edged closer to Dex immediately. “What’d she say? How’d it go?” 

Dex managed a laugh and level Nursey with a look that spoke volumes, mostly just to say _not fucking great, dude_. 

“I thought I’d come out to her first,” Dex said. “Then my brother, then Dad. I’d—assumed that she’d be okay with it. Help ease into it with everyone else.” 

“Fuck.” 

Dex deflated, caving in more on himself as he shook his head again. “She keeps trying to—” Dex stopped himself but Nursey reached for his hand, squeezing in support. He slid his hand easily into Nursey’s instead of pulling away before squeezing back. “She keeps asking me if I’m sure,” Dex told him. “ _It’s fine if you are_ ,” he quoted in a voice slightly higher than his own, but not comically so. “ _But you could be bisexual, couldn’t you?_ And it’s like—no, Mom, I’m fucking gay.” 

Nursey was slammed with a brick of guilt. He’d been angry and jealous over Dex kissing that blonde chick at the back of the party but clearly there was something else going on there entirely. 

“So instead of coming out to the rest of my family,” Dex carried on, sitting up again and reclaiming his hand as his own, “she’s been trying to get me to—not be gay, I guess, and—”

“Jesus, Will.” 

“—I mostly just want weed, and—”

“I have some!”

Dex exhaled deeply. “Thank God.” 

“I’ll have to roll it,” Nursey admitted, but Dex of course didn’t mind the wait. They’d been planning on rolling the joint before the party at the pre-game but that was cancelled, so Nursey still had all the supplies in his pocket, little baggie of weed and all. “It’s not gonna be the most elegant jay you’ve ever smoked,” Nursey told him. It was always a little more tricky to roll one without a flat surface. 

“Aw, but it’s one of yours,” Dex encouraged mischievously. “Bound to be elegant just by being in your hands.”

Nursey’s chest bloomed with warmth and he laughed, trying to shake it. 

“So…” Nursey trailed off, looking for a subject change. With a few drinks in him from the party and Dex sitting this close, being vulnerable, it was easy to think about the only thing he was always thinking about anyway. Besides, Chowder was right. He had to talk about it eventually. “Have you… fallen in love with me yet?” 

Dex startled again, eyes blown wide at Nursey’s question. “What?” 

Nursey focused all of his attention on the joint and shrugged a little, trying to be blasé. He was tipsy enough that talking about it wouldn’t hurt him as much as it would if he were sober, so might as well actually ask. Better than talking in code and reading into things that may or may not mean anything. 

“Well at Shitty and Lardo’s party,” he reminded Dex casually, “I told you this was the year you’d be falling in love with me.”

Dex’s response was slow. “Uh-huh.”

“And _you_ said,” Nursey carried on, eyes darting up to look at Dex only for a moment, “that it wouldn’t take much. So I was just wondering if—“

Dex interrupted him with a soft, “You remember that?” 

Nursey’s fingers froze and he redirected his gaze up again, carefully looking in Dex’s direction. “You thought I wouldn’t?” 

He’d been drunk that night of course, but that moment had stuck.

Dex’s face flooded with red and he looked away, choking out some sort of frustrated sound that was part gasp and sigh rolled into one. “I thought…” he trailed off. “Well, no, I didn’t think you’d remember that, Derek,” he said a little sternly. “It’s not like you really ever talk about… _love_ with us, so…” his words were choppy, mostly said in a huff. “Yeah, I thought you were pretty drunk.” 

Nursey sat up a little taller. “Um…” He wanted to look at Dex but also seriously needed to finish rolling the joint, and his concentration was definitely slipping. “Hold on.” It only took him a minute or so but it was the longest, quietest minute of Nursey’s life. Even the wind had stilled. “Well,” he finally said, looking to Dex. “I wasn’t that drunk yet.” 

Dex still wouldn’t look at him. “I’ve gathered.” 

Nursey ran over that night in his head a thousand times. He’d never forget the look on Dex’s face as he smiled at him, his golden eyes full of fondness as Dex drew him close. It made Nursey dizzy to remember Dex’s hand on his shoulder, his back. 

Nursey knew that Dex had a lighter in the front pocket of his flannel so he leaned forward, reaching in with two fingers to grab it while Dex remained painfully still. 

“I’ll take your silence as a no,” Nursey mused after successfully collecting the lighter and returning to himself. It ached him to say it but it needed to be said. Instead he focused on lighting the joint while Dex leaned back on his hands, watching him. 

It wasn’t until Nursey finally sucked in a good puff of smoke did Dex say, “What if I have?” 

Nursey choked on his hit and coughed it out which only made Dex smile. “You’re an asshole,” Nursey managed between coughs, passing the joint over as he righted himself. Still smiling, Dex took a hit of his own. After righting himself Nursey took a deep breath and rapsed, “Don’t fuck with me, Will.” 

Dex exhaled slowly and much more successfully than Nursey had. “I’m not. I just didn’t… realize you were serious.” 

“I was fucking serious.” He swallowed before passing the joint back to Nursey, very intentionally looking at him. Nursey’s heart was pounding so hard in his chest his ears were roaring from it. “I thought—everything since then, I’ve just been…” he trailed off to suck in another hit, desperate for it to calm something in him. Nursey exhaled to repeat, “You said it wouldn’t take much.” 

Dex shook his head, just a little bit. “It didn’t.” 

Nursey passed the joint back just so he had an excuse to feel Dex’s hands. He accepted it easily, holding Nursey’s gaze as he drew it up to his lips to smoke. Nursey wouldn’t dare break eye contact now. 

His heart was still pounding but Dex hasn’t left yet and wasn’t scowling. “So then… what was it?” Nursey asked. 

Dex took a second puff before handing it to Nursey again, taking his time with the pass. “What was what?”

“If you’re in love with me—”

“Stop,” Dex finally broke. His mouth curved up into a smile before he lifted his hands to cover his face. “Fuck, Derek, are we being for real right now?”

“I’m being for real!” He scooted across the grass just a few inches to be even closer to Dex. “For me it was when you performed Sweatpants by Childish Gambino at the kegster after our first win.”

Dex tipped his head back in a loud, wild laugh. Nursey could still remember the way Dex had locked eyes with Nursey across the room, pointing at him to sing the line _rich kid asshole paint me as a villain_ with a grin that cut straight to Nursey’s core _._ It wasn’t until Dex was dancing, grinding his hips, surrounded by the team as half of them all cheered _don’t be mad cause I’m doing me better than you doing you_ together did Nursey actually accept how fucked he truly was. 

After his laughter had faded Dex shook his head a little. “That was months before the engagement party,” he pointed out. 

“Yeah.” 

“ _God_ ,” Dex groaned, but his voice was lifted with laughter. He passed the joint back and pulled up his knees, turning so he could face Nursey. “Why then?”

Nursey laughed around his hit. “You’re fucking sexy Will, what do you want me to say?” His entire face flooded with red and Dex shook his head a little. “Apparently I’ve got a thing for goofy redheads with giant ears that can rap Gambino flawlessly.”

“Fuck you,” Dex tossed back without heat. 

“Your turn.” 

“You could smile at a street lamp and it would fall in love with you,” Dex murmured. “I’m only human.”

Nursey needed more. He’d always put so much value in words and Dex wasn’t giving him very many of them; but he didn’t want to rush. If Dex was serious, and there was no way he wasn’t being serious at this point, they had time. 

“Let’s walk,” Nursey offered after a bit. 

The joint they’d been smoking was dead and Nursey was feeling like he needed to be on his feet. Dex nodded and Nursey stood, offering him his hand to pull Dex up as well. 

“Long way?” Dex wondered. 

_Duh._

Just being near Dex made Nursey feel jittery. Things were voiced now. All he really wanted to do was slip into the shadows with Dex and kiss him a whole bunch but that didn’t quite seem the path they were taking. 

A few blocks later Nursey figured he’d be honest. “I saw you tonight. With… someone.” 

“Rachel,” Dex muttered, and Nursey recognized the name. She was on the volleyball team and had become a regular at SMH games—one of Farmer’s friends. “That was nothing. She ambushed me.” 

“I figured you really seriously declaring that you’re gay just now meant something else was going on but…” he trailed off and Dex nudged him gently with his elbow. “You sure?”

Dex folded his arms over his chest and said, “Yeah.” He hesitated a moment before admitting, “There was a fraction of a moment where I leaned into it. I thought…” Dex sighed and held himself a little tighter, but Nursey didn’t need more of an explanation. 

“It’s okay,” Nursey stopped him. “You’re okay?” 

“I’m okay.”

“So it’s okay,” Nursey reassured him. Sexual identity was tricky enough without having parents unwanted expectations and opinions shoved into the mix. “Really.” Dex nodded gratefully, easing his hold on himself a little bit. When he looked back to Nursey his eyes were warm and thankful and a look like that from Dex only made Nursey’s chest feel stuffy. “Besides you’ve already admitted that you’re in love with—”

 _“Derek_.”

Nursey smiled and said, “Yes, me, Derek.”

“ _Stop_ ,” Dex laughed. He finally released his hold on himself so he could push Nursey off the sidewalk which just resulted in the two of them playfully pushing each other instead. Thank God Nursey didn’t go home earlier like he’d wanted to. 

They made their way back to the Haus taking long, twisting paths that kept leading them further from the end. Nursey took Dex down his favorite hidden trail by the lake even though it was too dark to do it safely, and Dex dragged Nursey down to the other side of campus to show him his favorite Samwell statue that he’d study by on nice days even though he’d never mentioned it before. Sometimes their hands would brush and Nursey would consider grabbing Dex’s but he always talked himself out of it, too afraid that even after all this there would be a rejection waiting for him. 

“Could it have been the time you caught us playing chicken on the ice?” Nursey asked at one point. He remembered the way Dex turned red (which Nursey learned wasn’t fondness but _actually_ anger) when he entered Faber to find Chowder on Nursey’s shoulders and Tango on top of Whiskey’s as the two on top tried shoving the other off their partner’s shoulders earlier in the year.

Or even, “Maybe it was that time I brought you your phone even though you had to work the late shift for your tech job.” Nursey had gotten the Facebook message from Dex sent in bored desperation and he raced across campus to take it to him, hanging out behind the scenes at some fancy Samwell event that Dex was running sound for to entertain him.

It could’ve been, “Oh! How about when you caught me singing Dancing On My Own in the showers?” 

“No,” Dex told him after each. “Not then.”

Not after the first time they cooked together and Dex had been surprised at how tasty the sauce Nursey made had been. And not after Nursey taught Dex how to roll the perfect jay and they did so together. And not that one night they went to the Murder Stop ‘N Shop a little too tipsy and nearly knocked over a display of cakes. 

It didn’t matter what Nursey guessed, Dex denied them all. 

“Well…” Nursey said slowly. They’d reached the end of their walk. “This is the Haus.”

Dex shoved his hands into his back pockets and smiled. “Yeah.”

“Thanks for walking me home.” 

“It wasn’t really out of the way for me so don’t get too excited.”

Nursey laughed and said, “Hey, I walked you home, too.” He took a tentative step in Dex’s direction to see how he’d respond. When he didn’t move Nursey hummed a little, risking another forward. 

“How thoughtful,” Dex murmured. His tongue shot out to wet his lips and Nursey couldn’t pull his gaze away. 

When Nursey was close enough Dex eased his hands out of his back pockets like he knew Nursey wanted to reach for him. Once he had, taking one of Dex’s hands in his own, he whispered, “I don’t think I’m ever gonna guess.”

Dex swallowed, popping his shoulders up quickly. “That’s okay,” he whispered back. 

“But you…” he trailed off, his voice softening in fear. “That moment still exists?” _You still love me?_ Dex nodded and there wasn’t a flicker of doubt that Nursey could find in his eyes. “So… could I still kiss you?” 

Dex nodded again, his eyes easing shut, and Nursey didn’t mind that he had to be the one to lean in. Their lips met and Dex drew in a soft inhale as he reached out, finding Nursey’s hip with his free hand to keep him near as though Nursey had any plans on being anywhere but here. At even their first parting Dex chased Nursey’s mouth for another kiss, untangling their joined hands so he could cup Nursey’s cheek instead and that alone made Nursey melt like something that had been left in the sun too long. 

Dex was all encompassing. Nursey felt him in his blood and in his bones and in his breath, everywhere all at once. 

They stood on the lawn kissing for so long that Nursey had forgotten there were other parts to being alive. The only thing that mattered was Dex and Dex’s hands and Dex’s mouth and Dex kissing him back, smiling into it, following after Nursey every time he needed to part for air. 

“Alright,” Dex eventually murmured, pulling away breathlessly. “Come on.” Nursey had barely opened his eyes but he was nodding, willing to go anywhere that Dex would take him. 

The Haus wasn’t quite as sleepy as the rest of campus. In the living room Tango and Ford were watching a movie, neither of them turning to acknowledge them as they entered, and in the kitchen Whiskey was grabbing beers from the fridge. 

“Movie night,” he offered in greeting. 

“We’ll be quiet,” Nursey promised. 

Dex traded places with Whiskey once he left the fridge and pulled out the Brita filter to fill up two glasses with water. He passed one to Nursey who accepted it without words. The movie in the living room played out, loud action scenes with explosions swelling alongside an emotional classical soundtrack. 

Dex kept close as both of them finished off their water. He took both of their cups to the sink but Nursey couldn’t move. Did Dex want to go upstairs or down? If they went upstairs to Nursey’s then Dex would have more of an excuse to flee to his own space later and Nursey didn’t want to admit that this was a fear of his. 

But Dex strode toward the basement door, lingering only long enough to to look at Nursey over his shoulder to say, “You don’t need an invitation.” 

Nursey felt his heart rate spike again. He followed Dex down the stairs and into his bungalow where Dex was waiting with his door open. Nursey walked straight for Dex’s bed while he closed the door behind them, turning and settling down backwards so he could look at Dex while he shuffled back across the mattress to make space. They both kicked off their shoes before Dex climbed in too, pressing Nursey down onto the mattress while Dex straddled him with more certainty than Nursey was used to seeing from him. When he rocked his hips forward Nursey groaned, dropping his head back onto the pillows as the feeling overwhelmed him. 

“I want…” Nursey started but trailed off, not even sure himself.

“What do you want?” Dex murmured. Nursey steadied his hands on Dex’s thighs. This was certainly not how he’d anticipated his night going at all but he’d never be found complaining. “Hm?” 

He wanted so much. He wanted to strip Dex down to nothing and touch every inch of skin on his body until he’d be able to recreate every muscle on Dex’s back from memory. He wanted to run his hands into Dex’s hair and cup his cheeks and draw him in and kiss him sweetly again and again until Dex was only able to gasp into his mouth instead of ask for more. He wanted to hear Dex say it all in a row, _I’m in love with you, I have been._

Nursey swallowed. “I told you,” he finally said. “When it was for me.”

Dex smirked and said, “Well that was a ridiculous moment to realize you’re in love with someone Derek so I don’t know what you want me to say.” 

It wasn’t, really. Nursey had already known he was stupidly attracted to Dex but to see him grind his hips and laugh and sing with the team ignited something in Nursey that he hadn’t been certain would ever spark.The newfound confidence that came with Dex’s captaincy was the last shove off the cliff of feelings that Nursey needed. 

All of that had been building for years anyway. It wasn’t like Dex singing along to one Childish Gambino song could change Nursey’s entire worldview without the groundwork of trust and friendship that they’d been laying since Freshman year. 

“I wanna know,” Nursey pushed while he sat up on his elbows. Still, Dex hesitated. “It’s not like it can be any more _ridiculous_ than mine?” he wondered. When Dex tipped his head to the side, mouth puckered, Nursey was struck with a realization. “Unless it is!” 

“Stop, Derek.”

“Please tell me,” Nursey whined, which only made Dex chuckle as he leaned in for another kiss. He didn’t care what it was or how silly it might’ve been—Dex had his heart and nothing would change that. “I’ll just start guessing again.”

“Do not.”

“Might be…” Nursey tried to think about something absurd that he’d done that Dex might’ve been weirdly into but Dex kissed him another time before he could offer an example, blurring all thoughts in Nursey’s mind when their lips met. “Will,” he pleaded against his mouth. 

If he wouldn’t let Nursey make some insane guesses, Dex needed to tell him the truth. Nursey needed to know.

“It was when you tripped that asshole from Harvard,” he finally told him. 

Nursey laughed immediately, warmed in ways he’d never been prepared for. He sat up and drew Dex closer, finally cupping his cheeks the way he’d been thinking about, making Dex fall forward and beside him at an awkward angle as he kissed him back, smiling too.

He remembered how upset Dex had been when they lost against Harvard. The opposing team had been brutal to them on the ice and the insults they’d flung in Samwell’s direction had been targeted and cruel. As hard as they played they still lost by a point and even though Dex had insisted it was _fine_ they just had to be _better,_ Nursey knew it had really been getting to him.

On their way out of Faber they paused to let the other team pass them on their way to the bus that’d be taking them to their hotel for the night when some of them started antagonizing SMH all over again after spotting them. Dex had been clenching his jaw and Chowder was fighting a new batch of tears and Nursey had just been exhausted and annoyed. 

It was some beefy prick who was shouting, “Maybe if your team wasn’t full of so many fuckin’ queers then—”

Nursey didn’t care to hear the rest. The angle at which they’d been was perfect and Dex had already told Nursey in the locker room not to verbally engage or Hall and Murray would be pissed so he just stuck his ankle out and let the other man stumble. He lost his center of balance and collided with another teammate, who also lost his balance, and before anyone had really noticed what was happening four men had fallen on the ground. 

Nursey struggled to fight off his smile and Chowder yelped with a rush of laughter and Dex led the both of them forward a little faster than before, his large hands guiding them away from the team that had started spewing profanities in their direction. They hurried out of Faber’s lot faster than they’d started and it wasn’t until the three of them were well on their way to the Haus did Dex finally exhale a laugh. 

“I told you not to engage,” Dex had said once they were in the clear. 

“You told me not to _say_ anything,” Nursey countered. “And that felt sooo fucking good.” Chowder had laughed and swat away his tears and Dex shook his head but was still smiling, his golden eyes warm and appreciative. 

That night the three of them locked themselves in Chowder’s room with a handle of vodka and spent their time watching Vine compilations from Chowder’s bed, Dex squished between the two of them. 

It had been right after Shitty and Lardo’s party if Nursey was remembering correctly. 

“Why?” Nursey asked. 

Dex propped himself up on an elbow so he could better look at Nursey beside him. “It was nice watching you make someone else fall over instead of the other way around,” Dex answered. Nursey rolled his eyes but Dex grinned, shaking his head a touch. He softened to say, “Because I knew you did it for me.” 

That was true. Even though Dex had asked Nursey not to say anything to the other team, Nursey had seen how upset Dex really was at their loss. As Captain he’d started shoving down his frustrations instead of letting them out, not wanting the team to see him as irrational or emotional. But Nursey always knew. When that Harvard asshole had started spewing shit, Nursey wasn’t even listening. He’d gotten so good at turning that off and ignoring whatever derogatory bull came from the other teams that it hadn’t fazed him at all. 

But Dex had tensed beside him, and out went Nursey’s ankle. 

“Yeah,” Nursey said quietly. “I did.” 

“The way you… care about other people,” Dex said softly. “Care about _me_. It’s…” he trailed off, sighing again. “It’s taken me a while to get used to,” he settled with. Dex laughed a little before adding, “I mean I’m still not used to it. I don’t ever want to be used to it.”

Nursey couldn’t help but kiss him again. “Well good because you’re not getting rid of me.” Dex laughed again, leaning into another kiss like it was the most natural thing for him to do. Dex shifted again, rolling his body up against Nursey’s as he pinned him down to the bed. Nursey didn’t mind that he was being taken apart piece by piece. When Dex broke away to burn kisses down his throat Nursey murmured, “I love you.”

He had to say it. He wanted it in the room between them, clear as day. 

(He wanted Dex to say it back.)

Dex pulled away so he could look into Nursey’s eyes, searching them as though he was still learning something new about Nursey even now. 

“You need to hear it,” Dex said, realizing. He drew back further and Nursey felt his stomach drop, afraid for only a moment that this would all be taken from him in an instant before Dex firmly whispered, “Derek. I’m in love with you.” Nursey’s eyes snapped shut as he let the words Dex had spoken wash over him. He cupped Nursey’s cheek and Nursey leaned into it, eyes still closed while Dex added, “If I knew that night that you were serious… I don’t know. Maybe it would’ve been different.”

Nursey’s eyes eased open. “I don’t need it to be different,” he told him. 

Dex’s eyes were shining. “No?”

“ _No_ ,” he swore. 

This was already perfect. 

* * *

When Nursey woke the next morning, Dex was in bed beside him sipping from a mug of coffee as he scrolled aimlessly on his phone. Nursey blinked a few times, only a little disoriented before the memory of the night rushed in to comfort him. 

From where he was curled in Dex’s sheets Nursey could see a dark mark that he’d sucked by the base of Dex’s throat, near his collarbone, and Nursey hummed appreciatively. 

Dex turned at the sound with a smile. “Hey,” he greeted. 

“I won’t survive this,” Nursey declared. His voice was thick from sleep and he was too sleepy to really open his eyes. “You’re too fucking hot.” Dex chuckled, setting down his phone and reaching out to drag his hand out across Nursey’s bare back. “My fragile heart,” Nursey carried on. “It’s gonna explode.”

“What’ll it do when I tell you I brought coffee down for you?” Dex asked, still slowly moving his hand up and down the length of his spine. Nursey made a gasp and a choking noise before jerking his head to the side, mimicking his heart giving out. Dex laughed a little louder and said, “Finally, I’ve killed him!” 

He turned to set his coffee on the side table and Nursey laughed, using the moment to push himself up on his hands. Once he was mostly sitting up and Dex had turned back to him Nursey leaned in to snag a quick morning kiss. Dex was still smiling, and to feel it against his own lips was how Nursey wanted to greet every morning for the rest of his life. 

“Did you really bring me coffee?”

“Mmm.” Dex nodded into another kiss. “I know better than to lie to you about coffee.” He drew back so he could grab the mug he’d made up for Nursey and then passed it over carefully. “I forgot how much creamer you needed and overfilled the coffee and nearly spilled it a dozen times so be really—” the moment it was in Nursey’s hands some of the drink splashed over the sides, onto Dex’s sheets. “Careful.”

Nursey bent down quickly to slurp as much out as he could to prevent more spillage. “Oops.”

Dex let out a soft sigh. “Well.” He turned and grabbed his own mug again. “You’re helping me change them.” 

Nursey grinned. “Happy to.”

**Author's Note:**

> don't ask me why i end nearly every fic with the couple in bed ok i probably just need to be held
> 
> hope you liked it! leave some love if you can. find me on twitter/tumblr @jennybeantime <3 stay safe out there folks!


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